I can’t bring myself to… get a divorce, quit my job, get married, move…

Let’s be honest. You are currently stuck in life and unable to move forward. You tell yourself, “I can’t bring myself to…”—get a divorce, quit your job, get married, move… You know what decisions would take you somewhere, but that knowledge clearly isn’t enough to actually take action.

For instance, suppose you have been seeing a man for a long time. You know him well, you like him, and he is reliable—a genuine candidate for a serious relationship. Yet, for some reason, you periodically try to break things off. And when he suggests getting closer and building a life together, you pull away. When asked about the relationship, you say you aren’t sure if you want to be in it. You say, “I don’t know if I want this relationship.”

Or consider another scenario. You have spent years training for a new profession—one that would allow you to work as a freelancer and enjoy a freer lifestyle, perhaps in marketing or psychology. You are ready to launch this new career, free from rigid schedules, but doing so requires quitting your current job. You spend a couple of years in limbo, caught between the old job and the new one. Every time someone asks about your new venture, you say you aren’t sure it’s the right fit for you. Your old job pays well but brings nothing but irritation and boredom. The new path feels uncertain. And so, once again, you choose neither.

Why don’t we choose?

“Neither here nor there”—that is the place where we sometimes get stuck for years. The dominant force in this space is the phrase “I don’t know what I want.” Underlying this “not knowing” is usually fear. It might be a fear of intimacy, a fear of loss or disappointment, a fear of failure, and so on. The only way out of this impasse is through your own “I WANT.” And what you want is usually found right where the greatest fear lies: the very thing that scares you the most is what you actually desire.

To work through your impasse and understand where your fear lies and what it is about, come to me for a consultation—or better yet, for long-term therapy:

Video

My way of conveying information is through text and words. That is why I both write and speak. In my video about the space between the old and the new—where we usually get stuck—I answer the key question: why we do this. Why we don’t make a choice.

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