How to be likable: three key factors.

How do you get someone to like you? What do you need to “tweak” about yourself to draw people in? What should you improve—your appearance, knowledge, status, or connections? None of the things I’ve listed actually answer the question at hand. Appearance, status, and education might help you make a first impression, but getting people to gravitate toward you requires something else entirely.

I found myself thinking back to my school days—specifically, to the teachers who joined our experimental high school classes. It was the era of *Perestroika*, a time of great freedom, and we were lucky because the people who came to teach us were remarkable. They were truly inspiring. Even now, years later, I still think of them and continue to draw inspiration from the kind of people they were. Here are three key factors I’ve identified regarding what it takes to be liked by others:

• I like people with vitality and charisma.
• I like the people who are interesting to be with.
• I like those who are full of dignity.

How do you get people to like you? Energize others with your charisma!

The first story is about a history teacher who burst into our school life like a whirlwind. She had a shock of bright, fiery red hair cut into a bob, wore thick black eyeliner, and favored plunging necklines. At first glance, one might have found her look a bit garish—even vulgar. But the moment she began speaking about history and great historical figures, we were simply swept away by her energy. The emotions radiating from her hit us with the force of a gale-force wind. She was amazing! We were energized by the vibrant spirit of someone who was truly passionate about her calling.

When I looked at her disheveled hair, her often uneven eyeliner, and sometimes an unironed blouse, I wondered: why do I like her so much? It certainly wasn’t because of her appearance. It was her charisma. Her vital energy. Her enthusiasm. It was inspiring, and a once-boring history class turned into an interesting subject I actually wanted to attend.

How do you make a good impression? You need to be interesting to be around!

The second story is about our literature teacher. She was a young recent graduate, only a couple of years older than us. Graceful, elegant, and clearly dressed in expensive clothes, she would leave us breathless as we admired her outfits. She introduced us to foreign literature—works that, until recently, had been banned. New names, new storylines. It was as if she were opening a window into a new world for us—one we had known nothing about.

She didn’t wear makeup, spoke quietly, acted modestly, and I asked myself – why do I like her? Why do I run to her lessons and wait to hear her voice? Now I know that this is because I had a lot of fun in her lessons. And it’s not about the topics we talked about or the literature we studied. The point was that it’s not enough to just know a lot, you need to be able to tell about it in a way that would be interesting to others. I was interested. So I came to the conclusion that in order to please someone else, you need to be an interesting person. Then I was convinced of this idea many times.

Video

Here is my video on “How to be likable”—for those who prefer watching to reading. As I watched it, I found myself wondering: do I come across as likable? Did I manage to convey my energy, or did I suppress something within myself, giving in to a sense of shame? Was my storytelling engaging, or did I come across as stiff and inhibited?

How do you make a good impression? You need to be interesting to be around!

The third story is about the German teacher. She was a woman of advanced years—tall and thin. She wasn’t my teacher, but whenever I saw her, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Yes, her face was lined with wrinkles, but she wore huge, massive earrings. And despite her age, she wore them with great dignity. I believe that this very dignity is a crucial quality to possess if you want to be liked by others.

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If you would like to cultivate these qualities in yourself and become more appealing to others, I invite you to join me for therapy—you will begin to like yourself, and so will the people you are currently missing from your life.