A psychologist for Ukrainians in exile. When everything is fine, it’s not the whole truth.

You’ve left. You’ve settled in. You’ve found a job or a school for your children. You’ve learned the route to the supermarket and learned how to pay your utilities in a foreign system. On the surface, everything seems fine. But at night, you think about home. You wake up in the morning feeling like you’re living someone else’s life. It gets especially hard on holidays. And then there’s that constant worry about those left behind.

If you recognize yourself, you’re not alone. As of the end of 2025, there were more than 5.6 million Ukrainians living abroad. And according to research, more than half of them experience persistent feelings of loneliness—even those who have been living in their new country for several years.
This article is for those who feel that something is wrong, but don’t know what to call it or what to do about it.

What actually happens to a person in emigration?

Relocation—even voluntary, even to a safe country—is one of the greatest psychological strains in a person’s life. When the move occurs due to war, amid fear and uncertainty, the strain increases exponentially. Psychologists identify several phases that almost every emigrant goes through:

• Phase 1 – Mobilization. The first weeks and months. Adrenaline, practical tasks, the feeling that “I have to cope.” Many people feel surprisingly well during this period, simply because their psyches haven’t yet had time to “thaw.”
• Phase 2 – A collision with reality. Everyday life is smoothed out, but a void remains. Apathy, irritation, and a sense of “what’s the point?” often strike people unexpectedly: “I should be grateful I’m safe here.”
• Phase 3 – Identity Crisis. Who am I here? I’m no longer who I was at home, but I’m not yet who I am here. This is especially acute for people who had a clear social role—a successful professional, an active member of society.
• Phase 4 – Adaptation or Confusion. Some gradually find a new foothold. Others live in limbo for years, waiting for “it all to end.” The second strategy wears on the psyche imperceptibly, but very noticeably.

None of these phases are signs of weakness. They are normal reactions to abnormal events.

7 Signs You Should See a Psychologist

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re just going through a rough patch or if you need help. Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Chronic fatigue for no apparent reason. You get enough sleep, but still feel exhausted. Even simple tasks take more energy than they otherwise would.
2. You feel stuck. Time passes, but you feel like you’re standing still. It’s impossible to plan more than a week in advance.
3. Irritation with loved ones. Conflicts with your partner, children, and family have increased. You take it out on those you love, and then feel guilty.
4. Sleep disturbances. Difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently, and experiencing disturbing dreams.
5. Guilt for being “here.” “I’m safe, and they’re there.” This belief haunts you and prevents you from enjoying even the good moments.
6. Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed. Hobbies, social interactions, and entertainment—all become indifferent or even irritating.
7. You feel like no one understands you. The locals don’t understand your experience. Those back home don’t understand why you’re having a hard time “out there, in the safety of the world.” You’re caught between two fires.

If you recognize yourself in at least three of these points, this is already a sufficient reason to talk to a specialist.

What are the most common questions Ukrainians ask in exile?

• In my experience working with people who have left because of war, the most common requests are:
• Anxiety and uncertainty. The constant “what will happen next” is just as draining as the real difficulties. Uncertainty about returning, the situation at home, and the children’s future is a chronic stress that the psyche often can’t cope with on its own.
• Survivor’s guilt. “I can’t complain—I’m safe.” This is one of the most destructive patterns. A person suppresses their own pain because they believe they “don’t deserve” help. But suppressed emotions don’t disappear—they build up.
• Loneliness and isolation. New connections are made, but genuine understanding is lacking. Language barriers, cultural differences, a lack of shared memories and context. A 2025 study shows that more than half (51%) of Ukrainians abroad experience loneliness—and it’s the most common symptom among those emigrating.
• Relationship crisis. Emigration seriously tests couples. Some adapt faster, some slower. One wants to return, the other wants to stay. Tensions mount.
• Difficulties with identity. Who am I here? A mother? A refugee? A specialist whose education is unrecognized here? A person without language or social status? Redefining oneself in this new environment is a profound and painful process.
• The trauma of life. Shelling, loss of property, separation from family, the death of loved ones—all of these can leave lasting marks. PTSD and acute stress disorder are much more common among emigrants than is commonly believed.
• Exhaustion from “strength.” “I have to be strong for the children.” “I can’t fall apart—I have to hold the family together.” Holding on for years drains you to the point of emptiness.

A video about what can help with emigration

Why is a psychologist in your native language important?

When it comes to deep emotions, language matters. And not just in the literal sense.
A psychologist who understands your cultural context knows what it means to be forced to leave. They understand the feeling of being lost in a hometown currently under fire. They know the difference between “moving” and “fleeing.” A local therapist in Poland, Germany, or the Czech Republic may be an excellent specialist. But between you and them lies the language barrier, the cultural distance, and the need to explain the context from scratch.

With a psychologist who speaks your language and understands your experiences, you can be yourself right away. No translation. No explanations. No effort.

What does online work with a psychologist look like?

For Ukrainians living abroad, the online format isn’t a compromise, but the optimal option. Here’s why:

• Location independence. Whether you’re in Poland, Germany, Spain, or Canada—it doesn’t matter. The session takes place at a time and time zone convenient for you.
• Stability in an unstable life. Meeting with the same specialist weekly is an island of consistency when everything around you is changing.
• Confidentiality. No one in your circle will know. In small immigrant communities, this doesn’t matter.
• Accessibility. No need to search for a specialist in a new country, navigate the local healthcare system, or wait for a doctor’s referral.

How does the first session go?

• The first meeting is an introduction, not an interrogation. You tell them what you need to know. The psychologist listens and asks questions to better understand your situation.
• After the first meeting, it becomes clear whether this specialist is right for you, what format and frequency of meetings are optimal, and where to start.
• No strings attached. One conversation, and you decide whether you want to continue.

“I Can Handle It Myself” – and Why It’s Not Always True

One of the most common beliefs that prevents people from seeking help is: “A psychologist is for those who are really down. I’m just hanging on.”
But psychotherapy isn’t a quick fix. It’s more like going to the gym: you don’t come when you can’t walk anymore, but when you want to be in better shape.
Besides, “holding on” isn’t the same as “doing well.” A person can hold on for years, not noticing how their joy gradually narrows, their irritation grows, and their interest in themselves and their loved ones fades.
Seeking help from a psychologist isn’t an admission of weakness. It’s a decision to take care of yourself as seriously as you take care of your physical health.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Мне не очень плохо. Стоит ли обращаться? Да. Психотерапия более эффективна как профилактика, чем как кризисная помощь. Чем раньше вы начинаете работать со своим состоянием, тем меньше усилий в этом требуется.
• Will it be confidential? Yes, completely. Confidentiality is the foundation of the therapeutic relationship. Encrypted online platforms (Zoom, Signal, Google Meet) provide additional protection for your communication.
• How long does therapy take? It depends on the request. Short-term work with a specific issue (for example, anxiety) requires 10-20 sessions. More in-depth work takes longer. This is discussed at the beginning.
• My partner doesn’t want to see a psychologist. Can I go myself? Of course. Individual therapy is your personal work on yourself. No one is obligated to participate.
• What if I feel worse after the session? Sometimes a temporary feeling of heaviness occurs after sessions—this is normal when you start to broach sensitive topics. A good therapist will warn you about this and stay in touch between sessions.
• Я давно хотел, но все время откладываю. Как сделать первый шаг? Просто напишите. Не надо быть достаточно готовым или достаточно плохо. Первый шаг – это просто сообщение или звонок.

Если вам нужна помощь прямо сейчас

Sometimes the situation can be so severe that waiting is difficult. If you’re experiencing an acute emotional state or crisis, contact a psychological support hotline. Ukraine and most EU countries offer free support lines. If you’re ready to work with a specialist on a regular basis, I’m here.

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