Emigrant depression – what to do?
Emigrant depression – how relevant is the topic if it is spring 2025 and the war is still going on – what do you think? I came across an avalanche of short videos on TikTok and other social networks, where Ukrainians who went abroad because of Russia’s war against Ukraine talk en masse about depression or a depressive, depressed state. I myself am abroad now and I know what it is like to be an emigrant, a forced emigrant, a person who did not plan to change their life so radically and abruptly.
In this article, I would like to understand what mechanisms of our psyche cause us to feel depressed in emigration, and what you can pay attention to in your life right now to help yourself experience separation from Ukraine and the loss of your past life without severe depressive states.
What does emigrant depression consist of?
Depression, low mood, anxiety, irritability – these are just the results and consequences of the fact that in your life there is the following, these are the red lights of our psyche, which signal us about the following:
- unmet needs
- grief of loss
That is, in order to help yourself cope with depression, you must first of all realize and accept the fact that you have lost something very important to you. And this important thing is your past life in Ukraine. This is your home, your usual job, your usual social circle, your usual route to the store, your favorite cafe. It is important to tell yourself – I have lost this. Tell yourself – this is not available to me today.
At this stage, just cry. Talk to people close to you who can support you. There is no other way to cope with loss than to mourn it.
And when you give yourself time to go through this stage, I suggest you go further and explore what exactly is driving you into a state of depression. There are four basic needs that must be closed, that is, realized and satisfied. If at least one of them is not closed, you will inevitably encounter anxiety, irritation or depression.
Unmet Basic Needs in Emigration and Depression
So, what are the basic needs that are important to be aware of and keep in mind so that you feel empowered to move forward? These are:
- Love and intimacy
- Acceptance and Belonging
- Identity
- Safety
Emigrant Depression and Lack of Love and Intimacy
What happens to us when we feel unloved? And how do we feel when there is not a single close person around? Loneliness is something that all emigrants face. It is impossible to move your entire extended family, all your friends, all your work colleagues to another country, and at the same time it is impossible to immediately create new close relationships with people in the new country. As a result, we inevitably face loneliness and lack of closeness. And this inevitably leads to a depressed state and depression.
I know it won’t be easy, but nevertheless, communication with loved ones who stayed at home can be replaced with virtual communication. Yes, it’s not the same as live communication, it’s a surrogate, it’s a relationship where you can’t hug each other. But it’s still communication and understanding that you’re not alone, that your loved ones are still with you, albeit at a distance.
And in a new country, slowly get out of the hermit’s house and communicate. With anyone. Even if you are not very interested in a person at first, even if he is not in your circle, social status – you need live communication now, take everything from those people who are close to you. Then, contact by contact, you will build a new chain of acquaintances, where you will eventually find people who are truly close to you. Give yourself time, do not rush yourself. Time is your friend now, give it to yourself generously.
Emigrant Depression and the Need for Acceptance and Belonging
I remember this state of mine in the first months of emigration, when I wanted so much to be accepted by these strangers in a strange country. I wanted to be one of them, to understand what they were talking about and laughing. Over time, I realized that this was simply impossible. It takes years to become one of them. You need to integrate. And integration is impossible without adaptation. Many give up and leave after 2-3 years of emigration. But on average, adaptation takes about 5 years, and integration takes all 10 years of life. You are either ready to spend so much time building a new life, or you are not. That is, it is better to agree with yourself right away, while still on the shore, that the path will be long.
It is important for every person, especially those who emigrate, to be able to accept themselves as they are. Self-love is an important element in difficult circumstances, necessary as air. At the same time, it is important to be disciplined – your progress in forming your social circle in a new country depends on self-discipline. I recommend reading my article about self-love and discipline – what is the connection between this and what is the difference between discipline and violence against oneself, and where is the place of self-love.
Depression of an emigrant and the search for new meanings and identity
Identity is the place where emigration hits the hardest. Who was everything – became nobody. Of course, we are talking about adults and those who have achieved a lot in their country. This topic is well, I would even say sincerely and truly described the topic of losing one’s own identity in emigration and the consequences of this in the film “Brutalist”. The main character of this film is a Jew who miraculously escaped the fascists, and by education – an architect, emigrates to America.
In Budapest, where he lived before the war, the main character was a famous talented architect, but in America no one needs his talents, and he goes to work wherever he can, doing the most insignificant jobs. And this breaks the main character for some time. In “Brutalist” the life of an emigrant is shown without embellishment. And the loss of identity, complete zeroing, is often equal to the acquisition of security – our fourth basic need. And here a conflict often arises – we find security in a foreign country, but lose ourselves (at least for some time for sure).
Emigrant Depression and the Need for Security
Since I am considering the situation with Ukrainians who fled the war, the first need that was satisfied in the conditions of forced emigration was security. We all found it in other countries. And, perhaps, this is the only big plus in all this for all of us.
We have found safety, and now it is important to find love and closeness in a new environment, your social circle, your pack – and be accepted there, and most importantly – to create a new self, to build on those fragments of identity that remain, a new one – more stable and more flexible for the new uncertain times of the 21st century.
