{"id":101167147,"date":"2026-06-08T17:50:07","date_gmt":"2026-06-08T15:50:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/natashakohan.com\/a-psychologist-in-the-uk-why-is-it-so-hard-to-take-the-first-step\/"},"modified":"2026-06-11T15:20:48","modified_gmt":"2026-06-11T13:20:48","slug":"a-psychologist-in-the-uk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/natashakohan.com\/en\/a-psychologist-in-the-uk\/","title":{"rendered":"A psychologist in the UK – Why is it so hard to take the first step?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A psychologist in the UK, or why is it so hard to take the first step? I want to tell you a story. A real one. Since February of this year, I’ve been involved in a project. A British company received a grant for psychological support for Ukrainians living in England. At first, they recruited British psychotherapists. But it quickly became clear that they weren’t suited to the context of people fleeing war. It’s true what they say: the well-fed don’t understand the hungry. So they started looking for Ukrainian psychotherapists in England. That’s how I got involved in this project. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The client who didn’t show up<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Interviews, assessments, training sessions \u2013 and finally, the first client. The British psychologist overseeing the project and I discussed all the technical details. The client described her needs. All that remained was to arrange a meeting. I emailed. Then texted. Then called. Silence. The client had disappeared. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My first reaction was that I probably wasn’t right for them. It happens. I felt sad. Then anger. I could have just written that I’d changed my mind. Adults, changing your mind is normal. But then I realized it wasn’t about me at all. It was about the request. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Psychologist<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The request that stops thousands<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This woman’s request was painfully familiar to me. She and her children are somewhere here, in exile. He is at home, in Ukraine. Four years of long-distance communication. Four years of long-distance fatherhood.
Distance blurs boundaries. Is it still a relationship or not? He can’t leave, or he doesn’t have the strength to do so. She’s also afraid to return. They probably don’t tell each other about their fear. People don’t tell each other a lot when they’re apart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then it comes \u2013 a total feeling of loneliness. And then resentment. And then anger.
I want to do something about this. Solve something. Change something. I want to come to someone who knows what to do. And here’s my chance. Free, real psychological help. Everything is arranged. All that’s left is to respond. But something stops me halfway. <\/p>\n\n\n\u041d\u0430\u043f\u0438\u0441\u0430\u0442\u044c \u0432 WhatsApp<\/a>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Why do people stop half a step away?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I thought about this after she disappeared. The request at the preliminary meeting was to “resolve something with my husband.” What can be resolved here?
Go to Ukraine to join him \u2013 but what about the children? What about the career she’d already begun building in England? What about the hope of a better life? Convince him to come here \u2013 but what if he can’t handle emigrating? The divorce rate among couples who emigrated together is off the charts.
And here’s the trap – every decision leads to losses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But psychotherapy, one way or another, leads to the need to make a choice. And when you understand this, it becomes scary to start. Because starting means moving. And moving means changing something. And changing means losing something. And she chose not to choose. Now. Not to make decisions. Not to leave. I understand him. I probably would have been scared too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another important point<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Psychotherapy isn’t always about solving something. It’s not always about “taking a step” or “making a decision.” Often, it’s quite the opposite. Often, psychotherapy is about acknowledging that everything you’re going through right now is terrible. It’s a huge burden on the psyche. Too much going on at once. Emigration. Children. Distance. Relationships hanging by a thread. Anxiety for those left behind. Uncertainty with no end in sight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that’s precisely why you don’t have to decide anything. Don’t take on more than you’ve already shouldered. See a psychologist not to finally make a choice, but simply to avoid breaking down. Psychologically. So that someone nearby can say, “I see how hard this is for you. And it’s okay that it’s hard. You don’t have to decide anything right now.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you recognize yourself here<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you’ve almost reached out to a psychologist and then stopped. Maybe you’re in a similar situation\u2014he’s there in Ukraine, you’re here, and it’s unclear what to do next. Or maybe you’re in a completely different situation, but the same fear\u2014what if you have to change something? I want to tell you what I wanted to tell that woman: coming to a psychologist doesn’t mean committing to changing your life. It means only one thing: giving yourself space, a place to be. A place where you can breathe and be yourself. You don’t need anything else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who I am and why it matters<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My name is Natasha Kokhan. I’m a Gestalt psychotherapist. I live and work in England. I work with Ukrainians in the UK and across Europe\u2014online, in Ukrainian or Russian, in your preferred time zone. I won’t push you into decisions you’re not ready for. My goal is to be present with what is. And to help you avoid breaking under the weight of everything you’re currently carrying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to talk, I’m here. The first meeting is no strings attached. Just a chat. <\/p>\n\n\n\u041d\u0430\u043f\u0438\u0441\u0430\u0442\u044c \u0432 WhatsApp<\/a>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Read also<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
    \n
  • A psychologist for Ukrainians in the UK discusses the NHS, the language barrier, and why it’s hard to find someone who’s right for you.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Relationships and Attachment – Long-Distance Couples, Emigration, and Anxious Attachment<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Apathy and \u201cI don\u2019t want anything\u201d \u2013 when there is no longer any strength to make a decision<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • A Psychologist for Ukrainians in Exile \u2013 a general article on the psychology of emigration<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    Natasha Kohan is a certified Gestalt psychotherapist. She is a member of the National Academy of Technical Sciences (Ukraine) and the General Practitioner of Therapy (GPTI) (UK). She lives and practices in England. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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