{"id":101165784,"date":"2025-04-03T23:13:40","date_gmt":"2025-04-03T21:13:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/natashakohan.com\/self-love-and-discipline-are-they-the-same-thing\/"},"modified":"2025-09-03T13:11:40","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T11:11:40","slug":"self-love-and-discipline-are-they-the-same-thing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/natashakohan.com\/en\/self-love-and-discipline-are-they-the-same-thing\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-love and discipline – are they the same thing?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Self-love and discipline seem to be mutually exclusive concepts, but maybe not? One of my YouTube subscribers asked – what kind of self-love is this, that everyone talks about it? At first I was indignant – well, of course, self-love is the basis, without it you can\u2019t do anything. But then I decided to figure it out in detail – what is this self-love really like. <\/p>\n\n

When I hear the phrase “self-love,” I immediately picture a person who pampers himself, takes care of himself, puts himself first, doesn’t stress, lives easily and happily. But this is not about love at all, it’s about permissiveness and self-indulgence. <\/p>\n\n

\"Self<\/figure>\n\n

Self-love is a deep, conscious practice of caring for yourself that goes far beyond superficial notions of self-indulgence or narcissism. It is an internal dialogue in which you become your own most trusted ally, rather than your own critic. Here are my key aspects: <\/p>\n\n

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  1. Acceptance of yourself “here and now”
    This is the ability to see your imperfections, weaknesses, even shadows – and not hide them behind a mask of perfection. As in the Japanese art of “kintsugi”, where cracks in ceramics are decorated with gold: your scars, mistakes, oddities are part of a unique history, and not a reason for shame. Whatever I am now – I am good enough. Self-love in this case is the agreement that I am ok now, and what is not ok – I will improve or change if possible. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Emotional Ecology
    Loving yourself means to stop “feeding” toxic relationships, situations or thoughts that drain you. It’s like cultivating an inner gardener who weeds out the weeds of self-flagellation and waters the sprouts of your talents and dreams. A good point is that we often focus on toxic relationships with other people, forgetting that we can often become the most toxic partner for ourselves, criticizing and devaluing. Self-love in this case is to shut the mouth of the inner critic. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Care as a ritual, not a feat
    Not heroic one-time efforts (“I’ll start meditating on Monday!”), but small daily gestures: going to bed on time, saying “no” to what violates your boundaries, allowing yourself to be bored without feeling guilty. Agree that for us, going to a massage every week, for example, is a luxury or something that is definitely not a routine. It’s as if we give ourselves gifts for something when we take care of ourselves. Although, this should be the basis – taking care of the body, how we feel. Self-love in this case is allowing yourself to take care of yourself every day. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Dialogue with the inner child
    Often we carry a wounded part inside us that still awaits approval and is afraid of condemnation. Self-love is to become that adult for that child who will protect him, hug him and say: \u201cYou are enough. You have the right to be.\u201d Of course, raising that same adult is quite a task, but believe me – he is worth it. Because without this inner Adult, you will have to constantly look for someone who will allow you, approve and not condemn. In this case, self-love is being an adult. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n
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    Is discipline also self-love?<\/h2>\n\n

    What about discipline? Because discipline is an important component if you are stuck at some point in your life. Can it be an element of self-love? Absolutely! Discipline, when it is born from care and not from self-criticism, becomes a powerful tool for self-love. It is like a bridge between \u201cI want\u201d and \u201cI do\u201d – not through violence, but through respect for your values. Here is how it works: <\/p>\n\n

    \"Is<\/figure>\n\n

    Discipline as a form of self-respect<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n
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    • \u201cI exercise not because I hate my body, but because I love it\u201d
      Regular exercise, avoiding nighttime overeating, getting up early \u2014 all these actions become acts of love when motivation shifts from fear (\u201cI\u2019m getting fat\u201d) to care (\u201cI\u2019m giving my body energy\u201d).<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Discipline against impulses, not against yourself
      For example, putting off scrolling social media in favor of reading a book is not a \u201cpunishment,\u201d but a choice in favor of depth. It\u2019s like fencing off a flower bed from being trampled: you\u2019re protecting what you consider valuable. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Rituals as Anchors of Stability
      Morning pages, journaling, meditation\u2014repetitive practices create a structure in which inner peace grows. It\u2019s like watering a plant every day: consistency breeds growth. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n

      Where is the line between healthy discipline and self-abuse?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n
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      • Motivation: “I do this because I deserve better” vs. “I’m not worthy until I reach the ideal.” The first is discipline, the second is violence against oneself. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      • Flexibility: Missed a day of training – showed compassion, not self-flagellation.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      • Joy: Discipline “burns” from within when the action is in tune with your desires (you run because you like to feel the strength in your legs, and not because “you need to burn calories”).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n

        It turns out that discipline, which for a long time I personally had only one association with – violence against oneself, from another angle turns out to be an important element of self-love. Real adult deep love. A little more about discipline in the context of self-love: <\/p>\n\n

        Video on my YouTube channel<\/h2>\n\n
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