The body should speak before the head. Sleeplessness, restlessness, tension in the shoulders, illnesses that doctors cannot explain.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\nAs you would like to recognize two points for yourself, it is not weakness and not a rotten character. This is a natural reaction of the psyche to a breakdown that triggers fate.<\/p>\n\n
Why not \u201cjust start again\u201d<\/h2>\n\n
Advice on “finding yourself” usually sounds upbeat: take up a hobby, set some goals, step out of your comfort zone. A person gives it an honest try\u2014only to quit two weeks later. And then, they berate themselves for their lack of willpower.<\/p>\n\n
It doesn\u2019t work for three reasons:<\/p>\n\n
The old is not mourned<\/h4>\n\n
You cannot build something new without saying goodbye to the old. And saying goodbye is painful. That is why many people keep their past life in a state of suspended animation. The keys to an apartment in Kyiv remain in a bag (for a long time, that was exactly the case for me). Winter clothes stay in a suitcase that has never been unpacked.<\/p>\n\n
Until grief has been processed, the psyche does not release energy for anything new. It is occupied with the task of not feeling.<\/p>\n\n
Anger is hidden<\/h4>\n\n
At the war, at injustice, at those who made decisions for us. It feels “inappropriate” to be angry, and there\u2019s “nowhere” to direct that anger. But suppressed anger doesn\u2019t just disappear. It turns into apathy, fatigue, and a sense that you don\u2019t want anything at all.<\/p>\n\n
In fact, anger is the very energy through which a person says “no” and chooses what is their own. Without it, one cannot reclaim one\u2019s adulthood.<\/p>\n\n
Life is on pause<\/h4>\n\n
“Once the war is over, then I\u2019ll decide.” A sense of temporariness feels safe. There\u2019s no need to choose, no need to commit, no need to take risks.<\/p>\n\n
This security comes at a high price. Years are spent in a waiting room, and one risks remaining, forever, in the role of someone who waits for others to make decisions.<\/p>\n\n
How can you find your way back to yourself after a crisis? Where does the journey begin?<\/h2>\n\n
Reclaiming yourself does not mean getting your old life back. That life no longer exists. It is about something else: becoming, once again, the person who makes the choices. Here is what this journey typically looks like in therapy:<\/p>\n\n
1. Acknowledge that a loss occurred<\/h4>\n\n
It\u2019s not a matter of “everyone goes through this” or “others have it worse.” It\u2019s: “I lost my home, my job, my social circle, my city.” It sounds simple\u2014yet for many, it\u2019s only during a therapy session\u2014two or three years after leaving\u2014that they finally say these words out loud.<\/p>\n\n
Acknowledgment is not self-pity. It is a starting point. You cannot chart a route without knowing where you are standing.<\/p>\n\n
2. Allow yourself to feel your emotions<\/h4>\n\n
Grief, anger, envy toward those for whom “everything is fine.” Shame for having left\u2014or for having stayed. Feelings that have long been kept under lock and key do not emerge all at once; they require a safe space.<\/p>\n\n
When they are fully experienced, the energy returns\u2014the very same energy that was once enough for work, children, and plans.<\/p>\n\n
3. Separate the “self” from the circumstances<\/h4>\n\n
Circumstances have changed. Your profession, status, language, and surroundings. But some things have remained the same. Your capacity for observation. Your sense of humor. Your stubbornness. The way you know how to love.<\/p>\n\n
In therapy, we look for precisely this: what survived within me when everything around me fell apart. This is something one can lean on.<\/p>\n\n
4. Start making choices \u2014 with something small<\/h4>\n\n
Adulthood doesn\u2019t return through major decisions. It returns through yogurt. Through saying, “I want this one because I like it.” Through saying “no” in situations where, previously, you would have offered a polite “yes.”<\/p>\n\n
Every small choice is a signal to the psyche, saying: “I am once again exerting influence over my own life.”<\/p>\n\n
5. Unpause life<\/h4>\n\n
Hang up some pictures in your rented apartment. Sign up for a course. Make one local friend. Not because it\u2019s \u201cforever,\u201d but because life is happening now\u2014not after the war.<\/p>\n\n
This is not a betrayal of home. It is the right to choose oneself, without betraying others.<\/p>\n\n
Why is it difficult to deal with this on one\u2019s own?<\/h2>\n\n
You can find your way back to yourself on your own. But there\u2019s a trap: the one who is searching and the one being searched for are the same person. From the inside, you cannot see where you\u2019ve become stuck. Your inner critic says, “Pull yourself together.” Your inner child wants someone else to come along and solve everything.<\/p>\n\n
Therapy provides a third position\u2014a space where you don\u2019t have to hold yourself together. A place where you don\u2019t need to be strong for your children, your husband, or your mother, who calls from Kharkiv.<\/p>\n\n
How I work with this request<\/h2>\n\n
I am a Gestalt therapist. I work online with Ukrainians and Russian speakers across the globe \u2014 in either Russian or Ukrainian, whichever you prefer.<\/p>\n\n
In our work, we don\u2019t look for a “correct” new life based on some template. Instead, we examine what is happening for you right now\u2014exploring your body, your feelings, and your relationships. Step by step, we restore your capacity to have desires, to feel anger, to say no, and to make choices.<\/p>\n\n
Before becoming a psychotherapist, I spent over 25 years as an entrepreneur. I know what it\u2019s like to build a business from the ground up and to put your own money on the line for the decisions you make. That is why I truly understand those who were once in complete control, but now find themselves feeling like a stranger to their own selves.<\/p>\n\n
And I know this not just from textbooks. I myself left Kyiv for England. I went through the journey from “everything I have is my own” to “I\u2019ve been granted permission to live here”\u2014and back again, to the feeling that this is, once more, my own life. This experience doesn\u2019t make me an expert on your story, but I do know exactly what it sounds like from the inside.<\/p>\n\n
Psychotherapist for Ukrainians \u2013 what do I work with?<\/h3>\n\n
My name is Natasha Kokhan (Vasilenko). I am a certified Gestalt psychotherapist, and I work with Ukrainians and Russian-speaking individuals whose lives have been transformed since 2022. I provide sessions online for clients worldwide, conducting them in both Ukrainian and Russian.<\/p>\n\n
People come to me with requests like these:<\/p>\n\n
\n- losing oneself following a crisis, war, or forced relocation;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- “I don’t know what I want,” apathy, living on autopilot;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- an identity crisis in emigration, involving a different country, language, status, and profession;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- unprocessed grief and the loss of one\u2019s home;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- repressed anger, irritation, difficulty saying “no”;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- imposter syndrome after changing professions or countries;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, and psychosomatic symptoms resulting from prolonged stress;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- tension within a couple or family following a relocation or separation;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Money, work, and business while living abroad: how to start making your own decisions again.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n
My area of \u200b\u200bexpertise is the restoration of adulthood. I help people reclaim their role as the ones who choose their own lives, rather than just waiting for everything to come to an end.<\/p>\n\n
SIGN UP FOR A CONSULTATION<\/h2>\n\n
If you recognize yourself in this article, come in for an initial consultation. During this session, we will look at what you are currently experiencing and determine the best place to start.<\/p>\n\nMessage on WhatsApp<\/a>\n\nYou can find the prices for my psychotherapy services here.<\/p>\n\n
P.S. As it happens, you eventually settle on a specific yogurt. Not right away, though. At first, you just pick the cheapest one. Then, the one your kids liked. And one day\u2014you find the one that\u2019s truly yours.<\/p>\n\n
Frequently asked questions<\/h2>\n \r\n
\r\n \r\n
\r\n
How can you rediscover yourself after moving or experiencing war?<\/span>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
The place to start is not with new goals, but by acknowledging a loss. Once the grief and anger have been processed, your energy returns. From there, it\u2019s about making small, daily choices that gradually restore the sense that “this is my life.”<\/p>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n
\r\n \r\n
\r\n
How much time does it take to get back on track after a crisis?<\/span>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
It varies from person to person. People usually begin to notice changes in therapy after 2\u20133 months of regular sessions. Deep work on regaining one\u2019s sense of stability often takes six months or longer.<\/p>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n
\r\n \r\n
\r\n
Is it normal that, years after 2022, I still feel bad?<\/span>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
Yes. A crisis that drags on for years doesn\u2019t just go away on its own over time\u2014especially if, throughout that period, you\u2019ve had to keep holding on, without any chance to stop and process the loss.<\/p>\n
<\/h4>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n
\r\n
Is it possible to have therapy online in Russian or Ukrainian?<\/span>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
Yes. I work online with clients from the UK, Europe, Ukraine, and other countries. Sessions are conducted in Russian or Ukrainian.<\/p>\n
<\/h4>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n
\r\n
How does psychotherapy differ from talking to a friend?<\/span>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
A friend offers sympathy and advice based on their own experience. A therapist helps you see your own way of navigating a crisis\u2014as well as what is preventing you from moving past it.<\/p>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n <\/div>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
How do you find your way back after a crisis\u2014when, following 2022, life has become completely alien? After February 24, 2022, many of us woke up to a different reality. Some left; others stayed, but their city, their work, and the people around them had changed beyond recognition. On the surface, life gradually stabilized\u2014housing, paperwork, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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